Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I supernannyed him into submission
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
