After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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