Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My bed smells like the plague
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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