if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
