Who wears a wallet chain?!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
