he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
