I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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