just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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