I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
