Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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