im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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