I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
