I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
