I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
