she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
