hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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