She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
