You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
