careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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