Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Randomize
