Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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