i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
