You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
