Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
