Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
