would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
