I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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