today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
