so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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