hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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