Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
