Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
