I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
