Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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