Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
