There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
