He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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