Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just want nice things and good sex
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
