who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
