Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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