awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
this just has baby written all over it
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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