i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
