Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
