i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Too much gin, very little bucket
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
