she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
