How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
