You just made me feel so damn special
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
