Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
