So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
