I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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