Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
