id be glad to
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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