Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
