so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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