You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
