then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize