booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
