yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
