We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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