you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
