Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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