i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
