Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
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we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So here I am, sexting at work.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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