He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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