So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
