Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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