i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
