I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
