i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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