I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
